Billowy Kimono

Midnight Ramblings

2011-07-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how job hunting and Jagged Alliance 2 can suck up so much of my time.

RISE! GUNDAM!

2011-07-05T11:57:00.001-07:00

This Gundam 0080 video is simply just too good to not post here.

Google Plus

2011-07-03T01:27:00.001-07:00

Maybe it's that goon glow from Something Awful, but Google Plus is going to absolutely murder Facebook and all I can say is "Thank God!".

Senor Science's Opinionated Anime Reviews- Roujin Z

2011-06-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

Crossposting from my friend's blog...

Mega Churches

2011-06-22T22:52:00.000-07:00

I had to go to a mega church last Sunday for my new cousin's confirmation and the whole service left me with a strange taste in my mouth and it was seriously the strangest thing that I have ever had to sit through. It was a cross between a Broadway spectacle and that nasty early 00's XXXTREME take on things. Needless to say it was a very unsettling experience for me, and one that I would rather want to forget.

If I were to write up a list of some of the things I love about Japan, indifference towards religion would definitely be up in the top five. Despite the odd 新宗教 here and there in the Inaka there are no major religious groups trying to shove their dogma down everyone the throat of everyone else like there are in the United States. Nor am I going to get assaulted and possibly killed for having different religious views.

I'm Senor Science, and I Approve of this Message

2011-06-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

I really want to move to the South and live there for a few years in order to run for office after watching political ads from the previous election. I would love to have a commercial which features me driving a hummer that's towing another hummer, while I stick my head out of the window brandishing a Taurus Judge out of the window. Of course, these two vehicles were purchased using money obtained from crooked interests, possibly some sort of redneck mafia.

It's interesting to compare and contrast Japanese politicians against Americans; The Japanese far right seems so meek and unoffensive compared to the vitriol that the modern American right displays.

Crapping Where We Eat: The Japan Today Story

2011-06-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

This piece is simply too good to pass up for commentary.

Personally, I think such an overhaul is a good thing, and as someone who plans to get an MBA one day I know I would directly benefit

Hint to any Japanese employers in the non-educational sector: I would gladly work for you in place of your current mingy, whining and demanding gaijin employees. Not only would I work for 3/4ths of their current salary, but I'm hard working and optimistic. Besides, wouldn't you want a handsome and virile young man in his mid 20's over some out of shape, impotent, and balding 40 year old? =)

Already we have six people whining. Is every foreigner in Japan some sort of hate filled malcontent, who've had their sandcastle kicked over too many times at the beach by the resident bully?

Fears of an irradiated Tokyo are sooooo last spring.

Debito couldn't assimilate into Japanese society because he is an narcissistic, self absorbed, blowhard who has the gall to shit over the accomplishments of everyone else. If Japan was such a bad place back in the hey days of the Bubble Era, and if nothing has changed, why are you still there?

There are several problems with this post:

-Why would someone in their right mind want to be a firefighter in a non-Anglophone country? The language barrier could cause the deaths of innocent people due to miscommunication.

-Can a foreigner or resident alien become a firefighter in their home country?

-They must have been a pretty shitty firefighter to not find work in their own country.

This post cracks me up.

Lets do some basic math:

Base salary of a Mcdonalds employee in Japan is probably 850-900 yen; I'll use the higher of the two figures. 900 yenX40 hours= 36,000 yen a week. 36,000X4 weeks= 144,000 yen a month. As bad as these entry level IT jobs are supposedly paying, they're nowhere near as low or bad as working at a Mcjob. At leas the IT jobs have room for advancement, health and social security benefits, and possibly housing assistance. As has been proven many times in the past what the f causes first world foreigners in Japan to whine so much? If it's so bad, go home.

With an attitude like that I'm surprised anyone would want to deal with you. It also sounds like this genius works at Interac. There is plenty of information online about their shady practices so you can only blame yourself if they start screwing you in the ass.

I love it when Japan rants are tinged with subtle racism and Orientalism.

"Why if it wasn't for us distinguished western gentlemen, these celestials would be living as barbarians! I say Gungadin, go fetch me a colored woman and a gin & tonic my good boy!"

The way these idiots throw around Japan Apologist as an insult, you'd think they were Stalinists or Maoists, calling anyone who dared to question the party line counter-revolutionaries.

I can see Tkoind2 frothing with rage, as he types out a response with his fat, diabetes infested fingers slamming on the keys of the keyboard of his ancient, last century computer. "How dare this young whipper snapper question me!" Tkoind2 thinks to himself as he reaches for yet another fat addled Calbee potato chip to shove down his stinking gullet.

This man seriously needs some mental help or a nice slap to the face.

That is some excellent advice that I might have to try someday. I have a bit of a strong accent in Japanese through no fault of my own (The slow, relaxed drawl of California English is my Lingua Franca and I tend to use a lot of valley speak and surfer/stoner slang in my vernacular) and I would like to work on that.

I'm going to leave it at this. Never before have so few words described so much!

A Belated Cannes Part 2: Canne-ed out

2011-06-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

Let's start off this entry with a post of my favorite Japan Today retard, Just-a-guy. It is simply too good to not pass up and post here. He is responsible for this enlightening statement about the tragedy of the Tienanmen Square massacre:

Just-a-guy is probably a small membered, slightly effeminate member of the Chinese elite. He's also never had the chance of carnally pleasing a women, and probably never will. Despite his hatred of Japan and the United States, he likes to partake in watching Japanese AV and has posters of Michael Jordan all over his room.

I'm back from Europe and as I'm slowly recovering from my terrible jet lag and reverse culture shock like you wouldn't believe, I figure I'll start blogging about the rest of my trip/quarter life crisis journey/pilgrimage.

As someone who fondly looks on to Japan Rail with admiration, it was a lot of fun for me to compare and contrast the Shinkansen service with France's TGV. Unlike the Shinkansen, the infrastructure of the TGV is completely different, and rather than building raised level tracks on viaducts it is set at ground level. Unlike the Shinkansen however, the TGV train sets are all bi-level cars. I was fortunate enough to sit on the second level of a first class car. It was totally worth it to have my own power outlet for my netbook. The French countryside is extremely beautiful from the train, and it was a nice change of pace from the Tokaido-sen's views of rice fields, apartment buildings, and factories. I don't think I've ever been to a more greener place in my life.

Despite their many similarities with each other, France still has a long ways to go with customer service on SNCF trains. I got the impression that the staff really didn't want to be doing their jobs, unlike in Japan where the conductors proudly do their job with pride, and their customer base is respectful enough to not vandalize the trains. When I was riding the local Ter service to Monaco, and onto Italy I was aghast at how terrible the conditions of the train are kept in. Graffiti and vandalism galore! To make things worse, I even saw an older French man on the train vomit back up red wine and some bread and upon seeing that I felt like I was back in my college days at Sophia University, taking the last train home and occasionally seeing someone vomit up their drink on the train.

One of the best things I did during my stay at Cannes besides realizing what I really want to do in my life while sitting on the beach was to rent a scooter for 24 hours. 60 Euro's was able to get me a 125 cc Chinese made scooter and I spent the next 24 hours going on a scooter adventure all over the area. It felt great to have some wheels and go exploring all over the area - I don't think I've been to a more beautiful place in my life. The downside was when I tried to go to Nice. Not only did I get lost twice (And consequentially drove by Cote D' Azur airport) on the way there, but I ended up going on the expressway by accident. It sure was an experience to be going 70 kph in the slow lane while everyone else was going 110 kph around you!

Thanks to my awesome connections from a friend, I was able to get into two Cannes parties. They were pretty fun, and one of them was a Stella Artois party for this promotional short:

That's the life I want to live!

That's about all I can write right now about Cannes. With my next entry I'll start uploading pictures. I've been extremely busy since I've been back, what not with looking for a job and trying to get back into the groove of things.

Europe Trip Update

2011-05-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

I'm having such a great time in Europe that I've been neglecting updating this blog with my trip. So instead, I plan to do even bigger write ups when I get back to the US in 6 days.

This trip has been one of the best things I've ever decided to do in my life. Sure, it was a bit dumb financially to use my sweet, sweet pension refund to pay for this trip, but I think it's all worth it when Europe has made me refocus on what I want to do with my life and allowed myself to partake in self reflection.

There's also a bit of irony that Venice is cheaper than Paris for tourists...

I've Seen Some Nice Cans in Cannes Part 1

2011-05-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

Note: I plan to write about the TGV and my day trips in a later entry. This entry came out of the blue.

The second leg of my Grand Europe Tour is focused on the French Rivera. Obstinately, I was supposed to go to the Cannes Film Festival with one of the same friends I went with to Sundance, but that unfortunately didn't work out, and I ended up going by myself. Without my friend and his press pass, I've been regulated to hanging out at the beach and going on day trips. But you know what? I am completely fine with that. I love lounging around on the beach all day reading books and people watching. My idea of heaven is sitting on the beach, enjoying a nice cold can of Kronenbourg and a panini.

It's interesting to compare and contrast the two film festivals against each other. Sundance is a very open and egalitarian festival, where anyone can partake in the events. Cannes on the other hand, is tighter than the legs of a high school Southern Baptist. It's almost impossible to get into screenings and parties, while at Sundance it's much easier if you have the fortitude to wait in line to buy tickets, possess a silver tongue, or are just plain lucky (Like I was with the Snoop Dogg/Lil Jon concert). I'm still having a great time nonetheless, and I've made some awesome new friends via existing friends. I can at least attend the Director's Fortnight (Which is where great directors such as Martin Scorsese and Werner Herzog first featured their work), and the beach screenings of older films.

One thing that I think is very disgusting and brings out my inner Marxist is the gross decadence and wealth that is ever-present around the area. I've never seen bigger douche bags and Eurotrash in my life before. Seeing washed up Hollywood actors and assholes like Woody Allen, Robert De Niro, and Sean Penn being bambied around like geniuses is a bit much - Robert De Niro hasn't even made a good movie in years! It's also pretty bad that this makes it hard to approach most of the women here as they themselves are also Eurotrash. One of my roommates regaled me with a story of a girl sitting on top of a parked Mercedes Benz SL - A few young guys from Paris got into the car, started it up, and didn't care that there was a young woman on the hood. When he chastised them after they began to drive away (She was shocked beyond belief), they laughed it off. Another bad aspect of Cannes is that due to the festival food and drink prices have been jacked up beyond belief. Good thing one can still get a kebab with french fries and a Coke in the Arab part of town near the train station. That's good eating!

Despite the douchiness of the rich Eurotrash, I don't think I've seen better looking Caucasian women in my life. The two places I've been to with the best looking women by far have been here and Kobe, Japan.

Overall, I'm very happy that I came. Because of my positive experiences in France, love of French cinema and culture, and due to Japan and France being two peas in a pod culturally, I've decided that I want to learn French as my third language. I admit, it's also partly because so I can pick up French girls and read Franco-Belgian comics, but sometimes it's best to be honest with yourself. =P

Eurotrip 2011 Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

2011-05-11T11:25:00.002-07:00

I'm sure my AP European History teacher would be disappointed to know that when I was touring the Louvre, I had my Ipod on the whole time. Who would have thought that Eek-A-Mouse, Peter Tosh, and Dio would make such a great musical accompaniment while you walk through what is the greatest museum in the world?

The Mona Lisa is the biggest letdown in the entire art world. I've never understood why people would flock the world over to pay witness to what is one of the smallest and most boring paintings in the world. Instead, I think people should flock to what is my favorite painting - The Consecration of Emperor Napoleon I and Coronation of the Empress Josephine by Jacques-Louis David.

There's enough bling and bad taste in this scene to make Lil Jon blush in embarrassment

There is so much going on in this painting, and so much symbolism that it makes me happy. The history nerd in me wishes that the Napoleonic Empire hadn't collapsed. Sure, Napoleon was a bit of a megalomaniac, but at the same time he championed human rights, and swept away all remnants of the Ancien Regime in France and across Europe. It's unfortunate that the Congress of Vienna turned back the clock on the development of European political systems for a good 50 years. Imagine how awesome the world would have been if the wonders of Industrial Revolution were mated with the political developments he embarked upon. With a politically united Europe, it would have been a giant common market ripe for economic development and growth.

One Parisian museum that is highly underrated in my opinion is the Musee De L'Orangerie. Not only do they have Monet's Water Nymphs and other excellent Impressionist and post-Impressionist works on display, but they blast the air conditioning throughout the museum, making it a nice break from the heat and humidity of the French summer. It was there I also discovered who is now one of my favorite artists - Chaim Soutine. Reading his life story on Wikipedia is extremely sad to see such an artistic genius end up with such an unfortunate fate.

I also got to meet my Mom's friend's son, who is an expat investment banker in the Opera District. It's so awesome how laid back people dress here for work. Japan could learn a thing or two from the French that it's ok to wear jeans, a nice button down, and a sports coat in the office. It's interesting to compare and contrast the expat's in France to those I met in Japan. When I studied abroad in Japan, my image of the investment banker class in Roppongi was one of disdain and disgust due to a few negative experiences I had when meeting them. Every single one of them had a chip on their shoulder, and wanted affirmation from you. Thankfully, this wasn't the case with my friend and coworkers. Every single one of them was extremely friendly and outgoing.

It feels great to finally have a positive image of Paris. This was my second time in the city of lights - the first was on a school trip in high school when I was 16, and it wasn't the best of memories due to my dipshit "friends" and being gullible enough to fall for a scam. Now when I'm old I will be able to fondly look back to the escapades of my twenties.

And Now Something Really Sad...

2011-05-08T18:00:00.000-07:00

I was reading through Facebook today, and via one of my friends I discovered that one of my professors from UCLA, Michael Marra has passed away from cancer. =(

Here's an article about his struggle.

I'm really sad as he was one of my favorite professors. You haven't lived until you've taken a course taught by a crazy Italian guy who's a genius when it comes to the Japanese language.

Eurotrip 2011

2011-05-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

So I'm in France, Italy, and Spain until the end of the month. It's a dumb thing to do financially but when am I going to have another chance like this to go? Here's a few observations of Paris I have on this beautiful and jet lagged Sunday morning:

There is a distinct lack of obese people here. As someone who has been on a health binge for the last seven months, it's such a delight to see!
French girls, especially those of African descent, are extremely beautiful. Maybe it's because I've lived 3 years of my life in Japan but I'm completely acclimated to people smoking cigarettes.
It sucks that Charles De Gaulle airport is infested with Gypsy scam artists. Oh Japan, I miss you and your Gypsy free cities....
It's nice to be in a place where people stay out until 11 pm eating and drinking fine food and drink. Drinking out all night in Japan was fun, but it got really old and in hindsight isn't the best for you health wise. You're probably going to completely destroy your liver staying out binge drinking every night with the boys from work and shoving calorie after calorie of heavily fried junk down your gullet.
Speaking of the Japanese (As this is blog is obstinately about Japan after all!), if you've lived in Japan extensively the Japanese tourists will stick out like a sore thumb to you. Last night, in the elevator at my hotel I talked to some tourists from Kyoto and Hyogo out of the blue.
As someone of French ancestry (My Mom was half), I eerily resemble a lot of French. Parisians seem to think I'm French until the minute I open my mouth!
Paris is so much more expensive than Tokyo, and most of it has nothing to do with the terrawful Dollar-Euro exchange rate. It's a wonder how people can manage to live here so comfortably!

I'm looking forward to going to Les Invalides today as my first museum. As someone who would have loved to fight for Napoleon (We all have to have our stupid romantic dreams) as one of his lieutenants, I feel I must pay my respects at his tomb. Too bad we can't pull him from the past into the present like they did in Bill & Ted:

Bye Bye Bin Laden

2011-05-02T10:24:00.001-07:00

There's some irony that the day my friends and I go to the open range and shoot a picture of Bin Laden is the day that motherfucker is killed.

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EASTER MASSACRE

2011-04-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it exists, but there should be an Easter themed horror movie about the Easter Bunny going on a murderous rampage. A group of college students on a dare go into a cave deep in the forest behind their university, and uncover a treasure trove of golden Easter Eggs. However, they didn't realize that this is part of the Easter Bunny's treasure horde, and a a la Warwick Davis in the Leprechaun series, gets his sharpest and most blood-stained carrot (It's sharpened, so he spears you with it!), and hops off to town to get his eggs back and possibly kill a topless girl or two. Oh yeah, the Easter Bunny also feasts off of the flesh of his victims.

Jokes aside, I have very fond memories of Easter in my childhood. Beginning with the purchase of our first home computer in 1994 my parents, being phone company people decided that technical literacy was paramount for the intellectual development of my brother and I. What resulted that one year, my father began to pick out computer games to give out at Easter. Instead of waking up to find an Easter Basket full of chocolate, I'd wake up to discover an Easter Basket full of chocolate... and a computer game!

My Father was an avid Costco shopper, and when I was a kid it was the go to place for software. Their selection was a lot more limited than what Comp USA (Remember them?) or Egghead had to offer, but you couldn't beat Costco on price. Unlike the aforementioned retail stores, Costco sold older titles that were discount priced or had failed on the market, or were buy six crappy games for the price of one. Another excellent option were the usually remastered CD versions of older disk based games, as these were the older games that were worth buying. It was here that my father would usually buy my brother and I our Easter presents.

The following are video playthroughs of some of the games I got for Easter:

The Adventures of Willy Beamish was a particular favorite of mine. It was probably due to the water color, cartoon-like graphics and the character's age matching that of my own. Unfortunately, the CPU of my first computer was too much for the game, causing game actions to overclock. It took me two years to figure out that I had to turn off the turbo button on my computer to actually beat some of the puzzles in the game!

Ultrabots was a B-list game that was impossible to play as my 10 year old self couldn't be assed to read through a 200 page manual. I just wanted to shoot up stuff with giant robots, not play a simulation of how boring big robots fighting would really be in real life. I never figured out how to get past the first mission either.

My brother picked out Magic Carpet 2 at Egghead Software so this one is an exception to the rule. Magic Carpet 2 is such a great game and it's sad that the franchise didn't become expanded with another sequel. The game was truly ahead of it's time, with it's combination of FPS and RTS style gameplay. Even cooler were the completely alterable environments - it was possible to sunder the entire game-scape underwater with earthquakes.

In this day and age of digital distribution, it's unfortunate that such a practice is now rendered meaningless. It's unfortunate that the generation after mine won't probably ever notice the joy of receiving games on holidays.

Maybe some day there will be a Magic Carpet 2 remake but in HD, network multiplayer, stereoscopic 3D, and motion sensor control support. =)

NO DEAL

2011-04-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

Growing up, one of the biggest idols and people I aspire to be is the body builder, actor, and politician Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not only do I one day aspire to look like him, but I admire him for being the heroes in some of my favorite childhood films. I even has signature from his time as the Governor of California on my university diploma - How many people could say that?

How did I NOT discover this youtube series?!

Delicious!

2011-04-01T17:30:00.001-07:00

A Tragedy

2011-03-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

Reading about this makes me go all

May she forever rest in peace.

A Hat Trick

2011-03-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

This will probably be my last Facebook related post, as I'm getting a bit sick and tired of pulling up material for these entries. So why not end it on a hat trick? =) Writing about music, Japanese popular culture, and how much I love the 80's is much more fun and spiritually uplifting anyway.

Michael Logothety Jr.

I don't have to write anything for this one. The pictures and comments speak for itself.

Rub it in this redneck's face and also my buddy Hoofin's face by donating some money for the JETAA USA earthquake relief fund.

Bruce Brennenstuhl

Carl, is that you?

Bruce eats as much as 10 Japanese people. With a face and beard like that, I'm surprised he's not on the New Jersey sex offender registry list.

"Proud" of being German. Bruce better lay off the schnitzel and bratwurst as he looks like he's one step away from the grave. If he died would that be such a bad thing? I don't think so!

Trey Mercer

Sorry Trey, Japan doesn't "blow" rednecks.

And that's that's folks. It's been an enjoyable ride into seeing how spiritually depraved, mentally challenged, and delusional the white trash of America are. To my European, Australian/New Zealander and Asian readers I'd like to apologize as an American that we're not all like this.

Racist Scum

2011-03-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

Mike Johnston

Racist scum who believes that the Japanese are an "inferior" people in his own words. Another "Christian" who mixes up his religion with hate and racism. Tries to justify his racism using terrible logic and rhetorical skills. And for an added laugh, claims I'm progressive scum for doing what I do.

Sorry Mike, I didn't know that not wanting to be a knuckle dragging moron makes a person a progressive.

It'd be such a laugh if somebody really did call child protective services on him. As I myself am not above posting personal pictures, here's a photograph from his facebook with his family. It's painfully obvious that he's a small, hateful man.

Faded jeans, a nasty tshirt, and white tennis shoes would win him a trip to the fashion gulag

UPDATE I love how all these cowards immediately turn off access to their walls for the world to see. What's a matta; Can't handle being an iconoclast?

Yet Another Example of Why I Converted to Zen Buddhism

2011-03-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

I don't think Jesus Christ would love to know that one of his flock is happy about the deaths of innocent people.

Tera Hale

Claims to be "Christian", probably too dumb to be a troll. I hope you burn in hell bitch for your comments about the "radiation stricken" Japanese. I know in my religion we don't preach death, destruction, and misfortune about others.

More Earthquake Idiocracy

2011-03-18T17:09:00.000-07:00

Donnette Griffin

Ignorant white trash from Texas with 8 kids. Goes on and on about how we don't help other Americans but the Japanese don't need any help. Had this to say about last week's disaster:

I also had this little tidbit to say to her.

Just to prove that I'm a male, here's a cellphone picture of me after I bought an Urkel doll in Greenwich Village for 20 bucks from some dude on the street:

(Please excuse my goofy expression; I drank too much that night)

photo sharing

Sleepy Tako - A Man Who Abides by Wine, Woman, And Song!

2011-03-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

I found a great new blog last night while perusing Tepido.

SleepyTako, is a foreigner in the Hanshin area who really loves his food and drink (After looking through his Flickr account I have to say this dude eats some FANTASTIC stuff!), onsens, and taking photographs of trains. It's also great to see a man who's happily married and obviously adores his wife and newborn.

I hope one day my photography skills can be as good as his. The entries on his trips to inland Hyogo and Tottori are interesting to read as I'm not very familiar with that part of Japan having only lived in Tokyo in college and the Tokai/Shinshuu region on JET.

I'm Sorry Mom, But I Have a Case of the Dreaded Hong Kong Foot

2011-03-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Our boy Hoofin has another "Hoof in mouth" moment.

There is no way this will be a disaster on the scale of Chernobyl. I thought people who had two masters were intelligent, but I guess I'm wrong.

On a lighter note, seeing Flash Gordon in theaters must have been the coolest experience. If I'm ever valiantly galloping into battle on my magestic steed under a sea of flaming arrows while I mow down Orcs with my cavalry saber I want Prince Vultan's theme to be playing in the background.

Schenanigans From Yesterday

2011-03-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

As promised, here's some comments from a guy I found on Openbook. The ignorance and hypocrisy is really something to see. I've done a few edits to protect the innocent (myself and another user), and added some annotations.

I admit I may have been a little too forceful and vulgar but that was more to get a rise out of him than anything else.

Now I'm Really Craving Some Whale

2011-03-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

Paul Watson really must have no soul.

I'm earthquaked out, so tomorrow I'll post a very hilarious Facebook argument that I got into with a few other people.

Sunday's Roundup

2011-03-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ben Vaporized

I bring you readers the stereotypical member of the Tea Party - Hateful, ignorant, believes serving his country gives him a mea culpa to say whatever he wants, massive entitlement complex, and just plain retarded about how capitalism and the economy works.

You Know Who Else Sucks? Cuba Gooding Jr. in Pearl Harbor

2011-03-12T11:59:00.000-08:00

Justin Lazzio

Obviously insane and a borderline troll. Claims to have fought in Vietnam, but was born in 1969. He must have been part of some secret CIA plot to use babies as assassins to kill and destroy the entire NVA command structure.

I also found a Myspace, and EVEN BETTER..... An arrest record complete with mugshot!

Word on the street is that a 901.04 charge in Florida is an arrest with a warrant. Racists are too stupid to hide their dirty laundry from the whole world to see.

EDIT: I forgot to add in a URL for his facebook page. He also brags about getting arrested multiple times. Talk about a winner!

Gordon Storke

Gordon is your typical Tennessee redneck. In a display of those typical Middle American family values that we all hold dear, he's popped out a kid with the woman that's he engaged to. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh, it's not his fault he's going to the University of Phoenix...

Or maybe not... I wanted to say something about his son, but I can't bring myself to to go down their levels. Lets hope that he doesn't turn out to be a huge dipshit like his father.

Ignorance is no excuse for shooting your mouth off.

What kind of heartless monster is ecstatic about death, destruction, and the loss of peoples homes? If karma really does come around, I hope a tornado hits down on the trailer park Gordon and his filthy white trash family live in and they lose everything they have. Being irresponsible (Lets be honest here! Normal people have children in wedlock and are financially secure), I'm sure they'd end up on the street and be cursing Obama for "NOT HELPING THE WHITE MAN".

While I'm at it, here's a picture of the happy couple.

Winners of the prestigious Mr. and Mrs. Tennessee Trailer Park pageant for 4 years running

Lordee Lordee, lay off the KFC and crappy beer. I stopped thinking fedoras were cool back in Junior High...

That completes today's round up of heartless fucks. Keep on fighting the good fight and stop the spread of ignorance and hate!

SCIENCE OUT.

♪♪♪Why Does Michael Bay Get To Keep On Making Movies? I Guess Pearl Harbor Sucked.♪♪♪

2011-03-12T01:35:00.000-08:00

I didn't want to tittle this "Pearl Harbor 2" as that would not be witty and place me in the same level as the people we've been making fun of today!

Without further adieu, here's some more idiots to toy with before I hit the hay.

Brian Fortune

Possibly misshapen and with an ugly kid to boot. His soul is probably as filthy as the vile vitriol he spews. Brian is so bad that I have to devote several screen caps just for him.

It is delicious IRONY that Mr. Misfortune here may own a Honda yet spews hatred towards the Japanese. Or maybe I am missing something here, and are too "sophisticated" for redneck humor.

1.Hawaii didn't have whole towns and portions of cities washed out due to a Tsunami. I guess 1300 needless deaths doesn't warrant any sort of empathy or emotional response for racist pig people.

2. 57 civilians lost their lives in Pearl Harbor. In my eyes being civilians they were the only "innocents" to die in the war.

3. The JDF was assisting in the reconstruction of Iraq from 2004 to 2006. I guess helping in the Middle East by winning hearts and minds through infrastructure reconstruction doesn't count. To your average Americanus Neanderthalus only killing Arabs counts as help.

I hope Brian Fortune goes to Williamsburg and proudly proclaims to the hipsters his "enlightened" views on his fellow men - I give him five minutes before he's chased out of town by a ravenous horde of douchebags on fixed gear bikes.

Chuck Smith

Chuck Smith sure does look like a twink in that shirt. He's also apparently "sorry" for what he said.

I'm sorry Chuckers but the internet never forgives or forgets.

Ryan Burns

Yet another member of America's "finest". Too bad the United States army doesn't operate penal battalions like the Red Army did in World War 2. We could lump all these UUURAAHHH GO ARMY retards into expendable military units and use them for the nastiest tasks.

Mr. Snurb here is also "sorry" for what he said. Did he ever think that some of us had family, friends, or lovers (Or in my case ex-lover =3 ) in Japan? Of course not, he's probably incapable of human empathy.

At the time of this writing he's JUST turned his wall to private. Good thing I uploaded that screen shot!

For added LOLZ (And to get more hits), I've contacted every single person in this entry.

To brighten up this horrible 48 hours, here's a great Mr. Show clip to brighten up the mood. If you're not an American and haven't heard of Mr. Show it's one of the best examples of American comedy and completely eclipses Saturday Night Live in quality.

Michael Bay Can Go To Hell...

2011-03-11T18:37:00.000-08:00

For making such a terrible movie and for helping to reignite hatred and racism the day after the Sendai Earthquake.

The 3/11/11 Japan earthquakes and tsunami are human tragedies that the entire world should be rallying around to morally support. As a recent convert to Zen Buddhism, I believe that all human beings are interrelated with each other and national, racial, and political divisions are put into place to keep humanity from uniting as one. With our world increasingly becoming smaller and interconnected and the unlimited torrent of knowledge and wisdom of the internet permeating all aspects of modern life, we could stand to be at the forefront of a golden age. The people of the Middle East are uniting to throw off the chains of their despotic oppressors and even Unfortunately, thanks to the miracles of Openbook we can see that such a dream is still a pipedream. Thank you Middle America for your enlightened views on history and viewing such a disaster as being "payback" for Pearl Harbor.

As a person who believes in doing the "right thing" and a firm believer in internet vigilantism, these chucklefucks need to be taken down a few notches by having their hatred and vitriol saved for posterity and displayed for the whole world to see. Remember, what's written on the internet can never be forgotten!

I am writing this piece in a response to an event I witnessed a few days ago while at the post office. I was preparing to mail some paperwork to my friend in Japan (Fortunately he was safe during the disaster) and in the midst of filling out customs forms an older Caucasian gentleman came up to the counter, and proudly started proclaiming Mexican jokes to another Caucasian gentlemen. They both were chortling; members of some super exclusive club that only racist white men can join.

I am of Latino descent from my fathers side (Mostly Spanish and Indian; there's probably some Moor or Moroccan ancestry in there too!) and not wanting to cause a scene or a fight, I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut. As I left the post office, I saw the same racist pig start pestering bystanders in the parking lot. Maybe if I had spoken up and told him that what he was doing was offensive and wrong, he would have stopped. Well this time I'm not going to be silent.

Pester all these people as much as you want- they deserve every bit of scorn and derision that they get. Hate has consquences, so lets make the lives of these people a living hell. It will be Karmic payback.

Patrick James Dunlevy

One of America's "finest". He's probably one of those guys who goes on and on about how the military isn't funded enough, but whines when the House and Senate try to enact healthcare reform that it's SOCIALISM. Never mind that the US armed forces are probably one of the most inefficient and socialist institutions in the world.

John Lambert

Jingoistic redneck. Whines about how Japan is getting help "faster" than New Orleans and takes potshots at imported cars.

Luke Nicholson

I wonder how the Dean of Student Affairs at the University of Pennsylvania would feel knowing that their students are saying such enlightened things... I thought going to University was supposed to be an enlightening experience, not some sort of hate factory.

Wally Godfrey

Hey asshole - the war's being over for some 60 odd years and you were just some sperm swimming around in the balls of your father. I'd rather shack up with a beautiful and stunning Japanese woman than the hambeast you're stuck with.

Mad props to Ine though!

Eric Radick's profile picture speaks for itself.

Miles Corbitt

DID YOU HEAR HIM WORLD? HE'S NOT GOING TO GIVE JAPAN ONE OUNCE OF SYMPATHY.

Potentially expect more later tonight.

SCIENCE OUT

HEY YOU TURKIES

2011-03-01T16:40:00.000-08:00

So one of my best friends and a few others are starting a collaboration blog that focuses on pop culture.

One day the whole world will comprehend the awesomeness that will be Mega Countdown.

Now please enjoy this Italo Disco mix:

Mahmoud Awad - Fire And Earth

2011-02-28T19:01:00.000-08:00

A most sexcellent track. This really sounds like music from a future where Europe has fallen to an Islamofacist menace (Just to note, I do not agree with this view within the American right). With society regressing to a more medieval existence there is now a strange synthesis of medieval sensibilities and culture with the decaying remnants of a late 21st century society. Imagine decades old future computers slowly decaying, but being jury rigged together with 2011 era technology.

Mike Mareen - Germany 12"

2011-02-23T10:49:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to share this great Italodisco song before I leave for SFO.

If any reader goes to Northern California, you need to try the Cheese Steak Shop. I dare say they make better Philly Cheese Steaks than in Philadelphia.

HEY, THAT'S MY ASPIRIN...

2011-02-22T21:54:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving for New York tomorrow for a job interview on Friday and to see my BFF.

I'm looking forward to having a good time and hopefully get the job.

Welcome To The Jungle

2011-02-18T11:21:00.000-08:00

Lets take a tour of the black hole of personal success that is the message boards of Lets Japan.

Ostensibly, a site by Eikaiwa teachers for Eikaiwa teachers, in reality it's just a message board for depraved and depressed white men to bitch and moan about a country that doesn't exclusively cater to them. Enter a circle jerk of misery, bitching about inconsequential things, and how low the human condition can reach.

For this ride I expect you to keep your hands and feet within the car at all times.

Senor Sciencia Empressa S.A. has no legal responsibilities for any injuries that are incurred on this tour. Any attempt at legal action for wrongful injury or death will will be thwarted by my cousin, Don Derecho.

LETS ROLL

I don't think you're a wingnut. To put it bluntly I think you're retarded to be bambying around a conspiracy theory as stupid as this.

Here's an idea....

LEARN MORE JAPANESE

I bet this tosser is a shut in as he's afraid the popo are going to be violating his civil rights and go Rodney King all over his ass.

As much shit people on JET get at least they don't seem to be shut in's like the LJ crowd.

Am I not alone in thinking that the vast majority of honkies in Japan suffer from autism?

Only a sped` would worry about about how Japanese people do the dishes.

Maybe you should go back to Australia and return to your bogan lifestyle of lynching aborigines and getting obese on meat pies all the while cheating the dole.

I really doubt Japanese fishermen would be throwing away shark flesh. Money is money and shark flesh probably pays a pretty pound.

Something is only truly offensive when the target in question is a white, middle aged male.

I guess Casanova here can't detect flirting from HS girls.

Young and clueless eh?

I wonder if this also applies to vanilla faces going to Asia for easy pussy.

OHHHH I WENT THERE

BUT I WANTED TO BE AN IRRESPONSIBLE GAIJIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE....

Somebody better call Hoofin on the case. His legal work is going to make life easier and safer for all of us middle aged chucklefucks.

I think that's enough for our hunting trip into the deepest wilds of the South American rainforest.

BIG EDIT

How could a post like this NOT have music?!

New Layout

2011-02-15T12:12:00.001-08:00

I've decided to play with things a bit and change the layout.

How does this one look?

A Belated Sundance Movie Review

2011-02-13T09:57:00.000-08:00

It's been about roughly two weeks since the festival, but I've been busy with other things. Here's the review of what I thought was the best film that I was able to see at the festival.v>

The Devil's Double, a European produced film about the life of Uday Hussein's body double and his entrance into the high roller world the Iraqi elite was able to enjoy. Uday Hussein lives a life of total life of luxury with every material and carnal need catered to his whims. Growing up in a world without any boundaries, Uday Hussein is able to indulge in his psychopathic urges and indulges himself in physical torture of enemies of the state and of his father.

Enter Latif Yahia, also skillfully played in a double role (Uday) by Dominic Cooper. Latif is a Iraqi army lieutenant, called upon by Uday to take on the role of being his body double. Latif, coming from a much more modest and middle class background, is disgusted with the life that Uday enjoys and pines for the middle class background he enjoys. Unfortunately, this sort of life is forced upon him, and begins what is an exciting tale of the excesses of life the Iraqi elite got to enjoy.

I'm not kidding when I say this film will be the next Scarface; Dominic Cooper chews up his scenes when he's portraying Uday Hussein. Instead of coming across like a psychopath he instead is the Tony Montana of the 21st century- He may be a psychopath but you can't stop but enjoy his antics. One of the most memorable scenes in the film that sets the tone for the rest of the story is when Uday is disgusted with the antics of his father's food taster; Uday disembowels him and murders him in front of a party of banquet goers. Uday is a young man that has been given everything to him in life, and killing someone in cold blood is something that isn't alien to him.

I really enjoyed the lavish and incredibly 80's lifestyle Uday and the cronies of his father were able to enjoy. Old Porsche 911's and Raybans abound! Another aspect of the film I enjoyed were vignette sequences consisting of historical footage from the Iran-Iraq War and Desert Storm. These sequences seemed to help bookend the film's acts, and helped to provide context with what was going on outside the world of the Husseins.

The Devil's Double is without a doubt the best, and most honest film involving Iraq. It's such a relief to see things finally from a non-American point of view and expose the murderers of the Baathist regime for what they really were. Fortunately, this film has been picked up for distribution in North America by Lion's Gate, and I know for a fact that I will be at the movie theater seeing The Devil's Double again.

Concept Album

2011-02-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

12 tracks of pure throwback Italo Disco channeling all the greats from Scotch to Bruce & Bongo, Baltimora and Video Kids. Thematically bound by Japan. If only I had the equipment and know-how to make this happen. Does anyone want to produce these songs for me?

Track Listing:

1.) JR, Deutsche Bahn
2.) Shimokita
3.) Maiko
4.) Tokyo (Brothers Johnson cover)
5.) The Story of the 47 Ronin
6.) Girl With Pigeon Toes
7.) Shibuya 109
8.) Kitakyushu
9.) Huis Ten Bosch
10.) Sukiyaki (Kyu Sakamoto cover)
11.) Cabin Attendant
12.) Nozomi

キャバクラ

2011-01-29T13:09:00.000-08:00

I really enjoy reading Danny Choo's website. I think it's great he's been able to parlay a dream into reality, and is proof that a foreigner can make it in Japan.

However, reading him describe hostess bars is sort of like having some who's autistic try to describe sex to you: It just doesn't work.

Teriyaki Terrors!

2011-01-29T00:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes even I don't think I "Get" Japan.

They look downright Godawful. Those garish dresses mixing with those fake and forced smiles really give me some really bad vibes. And the title for that award... Is this something Miss Scwhawn would come up with?

After seeing that hilarious celebration of Capitalist Sisyphean excess called the gifting room, I wonder if Japanese celebrities buy the crap they hawk, get it as a gift, or their management company buys it for them.

"Here Yuko. We're going to make you wear STUPID FASHION BRAND PRODUCT, and you're going to tell everyone that you love it!"

"Ok, ojichan!"

And on that note, AKB48 is so bad I can't even like them for ironic reasons.

Netflix

2011-01-28T23:45:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting on some Sundance photos from a friend, so that update will have to wait. Instead I'll write about something else on my mind.

For anyone who grew up in the early 1990's, you probably remember the really cool and awesome independent video store that seemed to stock whatever they wanted. They would invariably be in a nondescript strip mall, usually with names like "Star Video" or "Celebrity Video". Even though each store would be different than each other, they all seemed to take on the same tone and vibe inside. Sort of a bit like this photo.

Growing up, these places were so much cooler than the boring chain stores like Blockbuster. First of all, they'd stock all of the cool unlicensed NES games that came in weird cartridges and would almost never work on your system. I'm sure there were even places in Southern California that would stock Japanese video games to rent out. Secondly, these mom and pop joints would often stock quite large adult video sections! The internet says that some places are still open, surviving solely on renting out pornography to a sex starved and internet illiterate population. Oh what adult wonders were behind those black curtains that said ADULTS ONLY...

Remember how awesome video covers were as a kid? You were learning just how to read so you had a limited vocabulary, so everything was new and alien to you. I even distinctly recall asking my Dad what this word meant Even better, a lot of these video covers were for older 80's movies, with old, hand drawn or artistically photographed covers. This was before the advent of photoshop as every movie seemed to have a hand drawn stylized film title.

The best had to be the horror and science fiction section; I always loved how the movie store would put them right next to each other! Just looking at the covers of Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the Thirteenth conjured up childhood imaginations of true horror that were oftentimes even worse than what was depicted on film. I always wanted to see these films, yet my age prevented it.

Since moving back to the United States I've been enamored with Netflix Instant. Now, I finally have a legal means to watching all the movies that I wasn't able to see as a kid now as an adult instantly. As their library expands and as they rotate through more and more of their back catalog they're going to come up with some really awesome stuff that I've always wanted to see as a kid.

As this is obstinately a Japan blog, I'd like to share an establishment my friend discovered while I was a student at UCLA. For the University of California's Education Abroad Program, everyone had to go to a six week long intensive Japanese language course. This may sound like hell, but if you're lucky, it can turn into the best summer of your life. Imagine having a six week long school camp full of nothing but boozing, chasing after girls, and chain smoking. I think the highlights would definitely be when my friends from UCSB, UCSC, and I going to the water park at Toshimaen as rumors had it (From an engineering student at UCSB the year before) it was a great place to pick up girls and get laid (Not true). The other great memory would be going to Roppongi for an all nighter, getting into a fight with one of your friends (And making up), and going back for an hour of sleep before you go off to the beach in Shounan.

For those wonderful six weeks we all stayed at the Weekly Mansion in Kameido, which as Tokyo denizens would know is pretty run down and gnarly! While West Tokyo may have all the hustle and bustle and style, east Tokyo with it's Shitamachi sensibilities has it's own sense of style that's totally dirty, gritty, and most importantly, in your face. It also could be considered hipster as fuck. Who wouldn't want to drink at some no-name bar in a decaying wood building? I know I would, and we did at a place next to Kameido station. It was here where everything about Japan was new and novel, just as Tony Montana mentioned in Scarface.

"This paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big pussy just waiting to get fucked. "

There was a video store near the station on the main road, and a few hundred meters away was a little Mom and Pop video shop. On the exterior, the windows were emblazoned with garish movie posters of old American movies from the 1990's. The store in that typical Japanese fashion stretched out into the back where behind a false facade of a small smattering of legit movies was a pornucopia of Japanese pornography. I never stepped into such a temple of carnal desires, but my friend did! I guess for your transient Japanese construction worker on the go it makes more economical sense to rent your porn. Why buy pornography when it's one more thing in your suitcase?

And for anyone interested, here's where I THINK it may be, thanks to the miracles of google maps.

View Larger Map

Finally, a Non-sarcastic Japan Today Post!

2011-01-25T00:35:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD

I don't think I'd agree with calling the Japanese system of employment stupid, but the advice is sound. From my experiences though quite a few of my Japanese friends did get jobs in college in industries and fields they were interested in. However these people were from high level universities (Keio and Sophia in particular), but I'd imagine this point of view may be more prevalent in lower ranking universities.

One thing I do like about the Japanese system of employment is that if you're extremely interested in one field, society seems to push you to go into that and to do your very best.

I went barhopping with an American friend in Yokohama and we met some women who were employed in artistic/creative fields. One girl (Who was quite beautiful even when judged by American standards of beauty) was only 20 years old but was working as a freelance interior decorator for homes in the Yamate area. Japan needs more young people with gumption like her. =)

Damn you body for getting a second wind after coming home from Utah...

Sundance Update Part 3

2011-01-24T15:19:00.001-08:00

So very tired....

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SORRY HOOFIN

2011-01-24T14:55:00.001-08:00

Word on the street is from a frieend in his third year of the program is that his city, which is located in a major prefecture, is fed up with going through Interact and will be reinstating about 25 new positions through the JET Programme.

I'm sure my favorite middle aged loser gaijin will be pissed!

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Sundance Update Part 2

2011-01-23T01:51:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this blog entry on my netbook as I wait in line to get some tickets at the box office. It's a little bit stupid, and a little bit crazy, but oh well. This is a once in a lifetime experience!

Day 2 highlights:

-I got within a few feet of Lil' Jon at a gifting suite, and got a free beanie out of the deal. I'm seriously considering making snowboarding a lifestyle as there's a Zen like appeal to me of you vs. the mountain. One of my favorite memories of Japan was a local AJET ski trip to Hakuba. It was an awesome spectacle to go to the top of Hakuba 47, be above the cloud cover, and be able to witness

-I tried to see this movie on the wait list but to no such luck.

Day 3 highlights:

-My friend and I woke up at 6 am to try to buy tickets at the box office. We were able to buy tickets for this, and to this as well. The wait list also paid off for this movie, which I will write in more detail later when I get back to sunny California and can decompress.

-The Devil And I is the best Korean film I've seen. It was so dark and visceral and really delved into the depths of how depraved the human soul can be. Move over Kill Bill and Lady Snowblood, The Devil and I is my favorite revenge film!

Sundance update 1

2011-01-20T19:05:00.001-08:00

My my two friends and I got into a Lil Jon and Snoop Dogg live concert for free!

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Sundance

2011-01-19T18:46:00.001-08:00

I'm going to the Sundance film festival for the first time tomorrow. It pays to have friends to work in the media. I'm really excited as my plan of action is to go in with no expectations and see how things pan out.

More Music Please

2011-01-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

This song is pretty good; the band is German yet they're performing a club song with a sick Italian melody that's reminiscent to me of Italo Disco. It's nice to see a European music video that's approaching the level of the crap that's shown on MTV.

On this topic at Japan Probe it's disgusting that about a 100 people feel they're entitled to talk in English to store employees in Japan.

If any of them are Americans all I have to say is fuck you. You're giving the rest of us who try to respect other cultures and fit in a bad name. If you don't feel you have to learn a foreign language overseas you're better off buggering back home and moving back into your foreclosed McMansion in the Midwest. At least the white trash working at McDonalds will understand your guttural and perverted rural American English.

And yes, this also applies JETs.

A Most Random Thought

2011-01-16T17:14:00.001-08:00

You know what my advice on dating Japanese girls in their 20's is?

If you grew up watching Married With Children (Like I did), avoid the girls that grew up watching Full House on NHK.

A lot of the girls I met when I studied abroad were OBSESSED with that show. I guess because it portrayed a really white washed and sterilized image of a popular American city.

This is San Francisco - Where are all the Asians, Latinos, and homosexuals?

Needless to say, I think something like that is a reflection on the persons personality and what they're like. I'd rather go out with a girl who watched Married With Children, as her humor would be more gritty and ironic. The Full House chick wants something that's boring, superficial, and blissfully unaware.

OH GREAT! MORE HIPSTER SHIT

2011-01-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

All the cool kids listen to Italian pop music that is mostly unknown in the Anglosphere.

(I think I can kind of grasp what the song is about from the blatant English loan words)

This song has a really sick beat to it! I love how it's been ripped directly from a home video, giving it a real dirty feeling. With Alberto's stage shtick of wearing some sort of Renaissance carnival mask, I can totally see this being a stage show in some alternate universe where Italy never unified, and stayed in some strange Renaissance stasis of culture but with modern technology. The flashing popcorn sign really makes this performance have that awesome 80's European sleaze!

This was the first song I discovered purely by chance on youtube as a suggested video. That synth solo really makes the song. The irony of having an filled yet empty stage appeals to my aesthetic sensibilities.

Ahhh, now this is just 80's European sleaze and cheapness at it's best! It's like the television network (And lets be honest here, Italy probably didn't have dedicated music video production firms!) creative team just watched a third generation decaying VHS tape of a random night on MTV and tried to copy the videos, but at 1/10th of the budget. This gives us something that would look right at home in a bad acid trip.

Whenever I listen to this song, I get the biggest shit eating grin as the music video is my favorite video.

Actually, I take that back. It MAY be my favorite song of all time.

It may probably be because I'm just now coming out of a pretty sad breakup. Some people may say the biggest danger of dating Japanese women is the danger of them bossing you around, stealing your children, etc. I beg to differ; I say the biggest danger is having to listen to shitty music all the damn time. Being forced to listen to Taylor Swift or CONTRIVED JPOP SONGSTRESS OF THE MONTH should be considered a human rights violation.

The male partner of the duo is totally rocking the Hulk Hogan mustache with an 80's mullet. I wonder if there is such a thing as a power mullet, but if there is it would be this dude who invented it.

I'm taking a wild guess this was shot in the Spanish part of Morocco, the Canary Islands, Ibiza, or the southern part of Spain judging from the Spanish flag. I LOVE the cars that look like Lancia Delta's in the video! To me, the most European cars of the 80's were from Audi, Lancia, and BMW since they all had that distinctive boxy utilitarian style!

The chase through the resort complex really reminds me if someone was playing Uncharted 2, but with some sort of 80's music video feel to it.

Rampant Orientalism?

Check!

A trashy 80's Italodisco song with gratuitous and terrible English?

Check!

Ambiguous European nationality?

You Betcha!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Jh1ecm0uk&feature=related

With my rant about shitty jpop a few posts back I'd like to prove that I do enjoy Japanese popular music... if it's awesome, from the 80's, and had something to do with 少年￥青年￥スーパーロボット￥メカ　anime.

I bet the lead singer of Crystal King got all sorts of pussy in some sleazy back alley in 1980's Kabukicho and got his supply of drugs from a shady Iranian in Ueno Park.

Those 80's Ray Ban aviators he's sporting are rocking.

This is what the comrades of the Soviet Union were probably rocking out to back in the 1980's. Many a disaffected youth wasted their whole weekend waiting in line to dance to this at the local discotheque.

I sometimes have fantasies of how awesome the world could have been in some cases if the Soviet Union didn't collapse. For one, Hollywood would still have them to use as villains. The KGB make much better villains than the hum drum Arab and Persian terrorists that we're stuck with in today's world. We'd also still have an enemy that has panache and a rhetoric that is ironic yet violent. Modern Warfare 2 can dispense with the tired bullshit of ultranationalists flying the hammer and sickle and just use the Red Army instead.

I'm sure the NATO and Warsaw Pact would be sporting some sick shit in their armies. The Bundeswehr would have probably adopted the G11 rifle as their selective fire rifle, and I can see Soviets fielding some sort of T-80 tank from hell. In some secret bio weapons lab in hellish Siberia, a Soviet scientist puts the finishing touches on an artificial life program called SNATCHER.

Even cooler, the space race would probably still be on. Near Earth orbit space would be littered with killsats for the strategic defense initiative, orbital particle beams (A man can dream!), and massive space stations like a heavily defended Mir-3 manned nuclear platform or a space station Freedom that is the crucial link in America's SDI network. Brave space shuttle pilots train in Florida for a probable manned nuclear attack on the Soviet capital. There's probably a moon base, and maybe even a planned Mars mission for prestige with the plucky Pan-European, Japanese (The Japanese are world leaders in manned orbital robotics...), and Chinese manned space programs nipping at the heels of the big two.

And this next part is scary : Gunbuster's plot would be even more relevant with history!

So throw out your worn out Boston cds and old man music and rock out with this music. There's a whole world of undiscovered musical treasures that you too could potentially enjoy. Like with anything else, keeping an open mind is always awesome when it comes to new music.

Careful, they're ruffled

2011-01-14T19:03:00.000-08:00

Japan is the undisputed king of customer service. Sure, it can be a bit rigid and formal at times, but at least they keep consistent standards.

Unfortunately, those ingrates at Japantoday think otherwise.

Japanese-style customer service winning hearts in Europe

Maybe you shouldn't be eating at Mcdonalds you cheap fuck.

This is 2011, the year we're supposed to make contact. WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU SPERGING OUT OVER A FLOPPY DRIVE CABLE?!

The last 3 computers I've owned didn't even come equipped with floppy drives.\

And speaking of which it must have been so awesome to see 2001 when it first came out in the 60's and drop a bunch of acid.

Never once ran into that problem, even at Mcdonalds. Is saying "ハンバーガーはプレーンとチーズ下さい" REALLY all that hard?

Oh wait this is Japan Today; speaking Japanese, or not yelling and pointing at the picture menu like a retard is beyond them.

Someone obviously hasn't left the big city. There are plenty of self service stations all across the sacred islands of Amaterasu.

That robot comment sure could be misconstrued as racist.

4chan

2011-01-13T01:26:00.000-08:00

It's a sad reflection on my generation that I find this hilarious!

But you do have to admit that internet humor is funnier than Robin Williams.

(I lose it when he says he's from 4chan)

Jpop Criticism

2011-01-08T03:19:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late to this party, but considering I'm in California right now (And we all know how far out in space people are from there) you can sue me. =P

This commercial represents everything I hate about in modern (From the last 10 years)

1. I have a feeling the song was written especially for the commercial campaign. Why can't it be like the 80's when a commercial song came first and then was licensed for commercial use?!

2.This has spawned into a really dumb meme in Japan. People may think toddlers singing this song with their Mom's is cute, but to my cruel and culturally jaded heart, I think it's crass and ripe for snarky commentary! When I was growing up my parents put the fucking quiet storm, Marvin Gaye, and the Beatles Yellow Submarine on. Another of my friend's in Japan was born and raised in San Diego, and he grew up being a fan of Talking Heads. If him and I could have cool enough parents to play awesome music growing up I feel sorry for these kids. Imagine having to grow up in America and telling people as an adult "The Doors? Never heard of them! My favorite band as a kid were the Backstreet Boys!"

Parents of the world, please for the love of God play your kids good music growing up, not this trite garbage.

3.Awful, awful, awful, awful AWFUL English. If you're recording a Jpop song, it can be nonsensical but it also have to include something along the themes of FIGHTING LOVE, ridiculous combination of English words, or anime-esque themes.

4.I am so sick of how the Japanese music industry seems to be polishing and embellishing turds. I also say the same about the American music industry. Too bad in Japan all the awesome underground bands can't reach to the top of the charts. :(

Pornography

2011-01-04T22:49:00.000-08:00

I LOVE the word pornography conglomerate!

2011 is a Pretty Crappy Sequel

2011-01-02T23:46:00.001-08:00

Don't really have anything to say for the New Year but I know it'll be a better year to me than 2010 was.

I hope the same for the rest of you as well!

2010-12-30T01:59:00.000-08:00

Is it the Japanese language nerd in me or does anyone else see the irony in this?

7-11

2010-12-28T00:26:00.000-08:00

REALLY?!

And to think that 30 years later all my friends and I would go to the corner 7-11 at 1 in the morning to buy our cheap booze and cigarettes. All while having to deal with some bleached hair moron who's too stupid to get a job anywhere else.

A Random Thought

2010-12-27T18:45:00.000-08:00

Michael Richards is the last person I'd want to leave alone with my children.

A Love Affair With a Japan That Doesn't Exist Anymore

2010-12-23T22:59:00.000-08:00

I'm immensely fascinated with 1980's Japan. To me the country hit a cultural high note and this when combined with my adoring and misguided love of the 80's has created an interest that few of my friends can equal in. I must be the only 26 year old who instinctively searches for the obligatory Smooth Jazz/80's funk and electro radio station!

The video is great and makes 1980's Tokyo look THE place to be living. For a scant 10 years Tokyo was the go to place and shining metropolis for the rest of the world, and was seen as being cutting edge and the birth of the wave of the future.

I can't imagine how futuristic and cyberpunk it must have looked to these guys. I am shocked over how different Shinjuku looks when compared to the Shinjuku I know of my years. Gone are the glossy and mammoth LCD screens and flashy advertisements, seas of bleached and dyed hair, and cellphone noise replaced with a gritty, cyberpunk-ish 8-bit neon wonderland. The Ipod doesn't rule this town - the Sony Walkman does. In this world of pure awesome one can go around in gym wear like it's nobody business - One can't do that in today's fashion obsessed Tokyo.

Having just moved back from Japan it's extremely interesting to me that the level of technology use in the field of mobile devices is almost the same but both the US and Japan have a different aesthetical use for both technologies. The Japanese prefer a more device based approach with designs for products being garish and colorful almost like a child's toy, yet in America we prefer a standardized approach to OS's with little personalization (Maybe Japanese people personalize through their possessions?) and standardization yet is sleek and form fitting. Japanese commercial centers want you to be attracted to how modern the building ( Mori Tower, Roppongi Tower, Mitsui Tower)is and to focus on the advertising (Asahi Golden Flame, the Asahi tower in Ginza) while in America it is the opposite - we seem to prefer to shop in a more historic building (Macy's Union Square) with subdued advertising. I don't think back in the 1980's our two nations were so intertwined.

The Mcdonalds at 3:26 is familiar to me, as it was a common hangout for a fellow exchange student and I. We both commuted home together as Shinjuku was a transfer point for us and would often stop in Shinjuku for a quick dinner. After the Mcdonalds on the center street was demolished that was the nearest and most accessible Mcdonalds in the East exit area. I am completely in shock over how such a restaurant could look so new back then and in 2007 became a tobacco stenched, vomit drenched mess. I guess back in the 80's Kabuki-cho wasn't as dirty and filthy, so buying your meal in such a manner felt clean.

The Shinjuku Prince looked like it was a hoot way back then! Now it's just a smelly concrete slab that looks like it would fit right in the streets of downtown Oakland. Hell, I'd imagine in a few years you might see the Hyphy movement finally emerge in Japan and Sydeshows pop up in front.

I also have to say them boys have some huge balls for filming right smack dab in the sleazier parts of Kabuki-cho (Is there such a thing?!) and in front of mobbed up hostess bars and whore houses.

Japan-China

2010-12-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

China's Zhang says Bale to star in Nanjing project

There's something far worse than what the Japanese could ever hope to do in China, and it's called the Holocaust.

Textbooks that were selected by something like twenty schools in a whole country (I know during my time on JET that the teachers union in my prefecture was primarily leftist), Yasukuni enshrines maybe about 1100 war criminals (Out of millions of dead!), and a radical right wing fringe that make polite society fill themselves with disgust.

Never let these facts get in the way of a good Japan bashing rant!

WAS THIS NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Props to whoever Hokkaidoboy and Shinjukuboy are for fighting the good fight.

Quickie

2010-12-19T11:43:00.000-08:00

While preparing for my Saturday morning run (Ran about 3 miles), this retarded post caught my eye on Japantoday and felt it was sooo good that I had to post it here.

Kan apologizes to Okinawans over U.S. base issue

As celebrated tv film critic would say-

HOTCHY MOTCHY!

Only someone with their head so far up their ass would blame us evil Americans for all of the problems in Northeast Asia.

Lets ignore all the following and blame the United States for:

THE ASIAN LEAGUE OF EVIL© SCORE CARD

North Korea:
-Kidnapping of South Korean and Japanese citizens for unknown purposes. One of the strangest stories of the Cold War is Shin Sang-ok, who along with his wife was kidnapped by North Korean operatives in Hong Kong to produce films glorifying the North Korean state and the Juche philosophy. This is probably his most infamous movie he produced during that period; A North Korean knockoff of Godzilla.
-The Paul Bunyan Operation
-Imprisoning American journalists obstinately there to report on human rights abuses and the crimes of the North Korean state.
-The Pueblo Incident- Before any anti-American zealot open their mouth, the ship was in international waters. Sure they were probably spying on the North Koreans but even then it's all fair game in international waters.
-The Blue House Raid
-The attempted assassination of South Korea's president
-Starving their own people to maintain the sanctity and continuation of the regime and their military

China
-Invading and occupying Tibet
-Border disputes and border wars with pretty much all of their neighbors
-Imprisoning Liu Xiaobo
-Tiananmen Square
-Vast atrocities against their own citizens, ranging from the Great Leap Forward to the Cultural Revolution
-Propping up their partners in crime the North Koreans

To some people America is at fault in some form or another for all of these.

Dirty Doctors and Naughty Nurses

2010-12-17T09:49:00.000-08:00

The folks at Japan Today, being the penultimate whiners that they are seem to have problems with Japanese medical care.

Personally, I had no problems with Japanese medical care and I thought it was great they're able to enact a nationwide insurance scheme.

Lets take a look, shall we?

Japan creates 6-month medical visa for foreigners to receive health care

GODDAMN JAPANESE DOCTORS

Maybe if you weren't such a fat gaijin you wouldn't have had a heart attack. =)

I love how the people of JT have all these funny and pathetic stories that can't be verified to explain for their own shortcomings.

I really doubt that the average Thai citizen is receiving the same level of medical care as the Japanese.

Speaking of Thailand, I'm sure that medical care is not the only reason he goes there.

HEYYYOOOOOO

Right.

This is Japan - a country with no long history of immigration (yet) or possessing a foreign empire. Of course they're not going to have documentation available in multiple languages.

And on that note, what the Christ is with people in Japan wanting everything to be the same as back home?

Taking medical advice from the internet, especially from a user at Japantoday is on the same level as listening to 1999 era Robert Downey Jr. lecture about the virtues of clean living.

And as for my own personal hospital story? I got out of school one day as I thought I broke a rib snowboarding the prior weekend. Whilst in the waiting room I met a really cool Brazilian man who was also waiting to see the doctor. Once I got to see one of the doctors (Who proceeded to impress his nurse with his English conversation skills) he got me an x-ray (This wouldn't happen in the US) and after seeing nothing was broken gave me some painkillers anyway.

Completely professional with in and out care!

Interestingly enough, I caught the dreaded Osaka Flu and the doctor I saw was the main medical practitioner for the area... And so was his father, and his father, and his father, repeat ad nauseum. That was kind of neat and it really showed how far history can go back in Japan.

As Krampus left us with an awesome metal video I leave us with this totally awful yet awesome rap video about Four Loko.

Worship It.

2010-12-15T07:04:00.000-08:00

Let's see...Satanic, check. Swedish, check. Melodic, check. Simple yet elegant, check. Tasteful, check. A little silly, check. Curiously similar to Mercyful Fate/King Diamond, check. Gorgeous boner-inducing harmonies...CHECK.

It's not often I get this weak-kneed over new music. It feels like I have come back to life. The album, "Opus Eponymous," only came out in October and it's being gossiped about as The Next Big Supergroup Thing on geeky metal forums all across the World Wide Web.

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE METAL

AMERIKKKKKKKA

2010-12-11T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm in Colorado helping to take care of some family business but that doesn't stop me from posting these gems!

Japan to deploy missile interceptors nationwide on N Korea threat

Somebody needs to take off the tinfoil hat and stop drinking the AMERIKKKA kool aid.

Gravure Idols

2010-11-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

I discovered this blog of a Gravure idol while perusing one of Danny Choo's photo blogs. Arisa Matsui Upon clicking the link I was a bit shocked to see how obscenely skinny Miss Matsui is! While talking to one of my friends who lived in Japan I commented to him that a lot of models in Japan really need some more meat on their bones. He had this Bart Simpson-esque comment about the state of Japanese language blogs:

"These sites suck. They're just skinny girls posting pictures of "most delicious of cakes!"

MM, I think you've hit the nail on the head with that comment!

VIDDYAGAMES

2010-11-23T22:34:00.001-08:00

Call of Duty: Black Ops has become a black hole sucking in all of my free time.

Fat American Whining About Japan- News at 11

2010-11-04T22:35:00.001-07:00

This user is at a message board I used to frequent as a regular but now only read from time to time.

The only places I EVER with a Japanese only sign were of the mizu shobai persuasion, but if you're as fat and nasty as 8belly here I'm sure every Mom and Pop all you can eat yakiniku joint in town would be banning your gaijin ass.

If you ran a buffet in Japan would you want something like this thing to eat you out of business?

KURILE ISLANDS SHOWDOWN

2010-11-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Maehara warns Medvedev not to make any more isle visits

Mr. Ravage here is one of those lovable, empty headed and nationalist Chinese netizens who spout bullshit after bullshit in an attempt to win us ignorant Gwailo over to their point of view.

Christ, and I thought the Mormons I got at my door were awful.

...

...

...

...

Can it get anymore retarded than this?

OH YES IT CAN

Good lord, what is it with Chinese nationalists? Are they that angry they can't get any poon in their own country or overseas that they have to take it out on the internet?

I really don't know who's more pitiful - angry gaijin from industrialized countries or angry Chinese.

STOP WHINING

2010-10-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

Japan Times: Eikaiwa Gaba: “NJ instructors independent contractors w/o labor law coverage”, could become template for entire industry

I got all of those perks and a bit more on the JET Programme.

Oh wait; according to the career English teachers JET isn't a "real" job.

HEYOOOO

I Found What's at the Center of the Black Hole of Japan Related Retardedness

2010-10-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

Globe and Mail (Canada): “A black sun rises in a declining Japan”

I'll let this one speak for itself.

Time to Take Out the Trash

2010-10-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

"All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me. "

Travis Bickle

What's with honkies wanting the Japanese to become the proverbial bitches of the Chinese?

1880-ish to 1945 of an ascendant Japan does not make "hundreds of years" love. Don't take out your anger on the Japanese people because you couldn't please your wife and left you with your ハーフ　children. I hope the president of the US of A has more important things to worry about than some balding honky with a paunch rabidly wanting to get back at his wife and get his kids back.

As someone who lived in the boondocks I never had anyone stare at me for being non-Japanese. Well, I take that back. I would get the occasional glance and smile from those of the weaker sex.

But then again, I'm sure this hombre is extremely ugly, and I say this as a dashing and good looking young gent. =)

lol

Nothing yells out lol than Chinese nationalists; it's always fun to make their heads explode when you tell them that they've killed more of their own than the Japanese ever could do in World War 2.

Personally, I'm totally down with the Taiwanese and the old school Nationalists of Chiang Kai Shek. Mao was a disgusting, amoral human being who's probably killed more human beings than anyone else in the 20th century.

Btw, if China does invade the United States and threatens the free world who's down with me in starting a Red Dawn style militia? We can hide out in the Norcal mountains and strike fear into the hearts of the Godless communist hordes while we attack them screaming out WOLVERINES.

There's just one caveat; I get to be Patrick Swayze.

Anti-Americanism, the last acceptable form of racism in the world.

I wish I too could be as sophisticated as the British and Germans, and go on sex trips to Thailand and have underage sex while treating the natives like subhuman scum. But no, I'm an unsophisticated American who is one step away from barbarism.

Uh oh

lol

Well well...

double LOL

What The Christ Ad Nauseum

2010-09-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

I hope he's being ironic!

2010-09-17T21:24:00.000-07:00

People Who Said N****r Today

These people make me hate my own countrymen!

2010-09-09T20:32:00.001-07:00

At a NYC fashion week club event thanks to my awesome connections that only a scientest in the science of being awesome such as myself could have.

This is not a place for the fashionably challenged, such as your average Gary Gaijin in his white tennis shoes and man khakis, or inaka Taro with his orange dayglo hair and Trial purchased tracksuit!

The icing on the cake? The DJ is blasting nothing but Italodisco and 80's Prince.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.8

Movies

2010-09-02T13:26:00.001-07:00

I just saw a screening of the Housemaid, a Korean movie that won't be released for a few months.

It was good, but one comment sums up the plot:

BITCHES BE CRAZY

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

2010-09-01T10:06:00.001-07:00

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

2010-08-31T11:51:00.001-07:00

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

What's this little bugger do?

2010-08-30T14:18:00.001-07:00

Just a test to see if fx camera can work with bloggerdroid

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

SENOR SCIENCE TAKES MANHATTAN

2010-08-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

So I'm heading to NYC, arguably the greatest city in the world tonight.

Thanks to my amazing luck I get to sit in the very front of economy. Even though it's a red eye flight, my plan is to read through 2 volumes of this awesome manga: Zipang

Hopefully when I go to Williamsburg the awesome used red and white Adidas sneakers I purchased at this wonderful store for 1000 yen, some sunglasses from H&M, and an old OH MY GOD THEY KILLED KENNY!!! tshirt from junior high school will win me some serious hipster street cred.

I leave you, the reader with some amazing videogame Jpop from my favorite racing game series;　首都高バトル:

Musical Interlude

2010-08-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

DECK UPDATE DAY 2

2010-08-24T14:16:00.001-07:00

I've learned a few things today:

-Working out in the sun for 4-5 hours sucks.
-Power tools are fun and make cutting up rotted wood a blast!
-Termite infestations suuuuuckkk
-I enjoy working with my hands. Maybe if I didn't pursue the academic route after high school I may have become a machinist or a carpenter

No injuries today!

Russell Crowe in FIGHTING ROUND THE WORLD

2010-08-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

FRIGGING SWEET

I riled someones feathers and they act as if I kicked sand in their face and stole their girl at the beach.

Since I'm in a muy horrible mood from waking up at 6 am for a job interview (Which went extremely well) and working on my Mom's deck in the August sun (Where I injured my self crowbar-ing wood planks) when I got back

Authors note: It's fun to read these snippets in a Mort "TAKE BACK YOUR F***ING HORT" Goldman voice.

LETS STARTING

China cards? I don’t play China cards. But it got me thinking: Who gets to play the China card? You know very well that the U.S. military negotiators play it all the time. You know that American big businesses in Japan point out how easy it is to locate Asian business in Hong Kong and/or Shanghai. Even Singapore, which doesn’t count of course.

BIG BUSINESS

I think it’s always worth repeating that America’s interest in Japan stems from the historical problems that Japan has with China. You just have to think a bit, that the reason “we” are around the region is because, otherwise, Japan has to stand by itself.

Funny, I was taught in school and university that American relations in Japan stemmed from American traders wanting to open up free ports, coaling stations, and repatriate stranded Japanese fisherman, and once the nation was opened up for trade the relationship was purely commercial.

Then with the postwar era building up Japan as a stalwart ally of the US and being a bulwark against the spread of Bolshevism.

I would also expect that the US government would want to stick around with one of our most important trading partners. Maybe when the Chinese someday take the place of the Japanese in being the sole manufacturers of several critical components (Japan Steel being the only firm in the world that can make the shells for nuclear reactors comes to mind), I'll eat crow.

Japan standing by itself? If that means revoking Article 9 and rearming I wouldn't have a problem with that.

So I was just stating plain fact: there is a tension between China and Japan, and America’s role as an ally to Japan can complicate America’s relations with China. This point gets forgotten by many who are licking the honey pot of trans-Pacific dealings between America and Japan.

I giggle uncontrollably whenever I read honeypot from all those wasted nights playing warez-ed renai games in high school.

Now, why some JET in Fukuoka is getting all upset about that is beyond me. I don’t know if the e-mail is the same as the post, and I really don’t bother myself with this kind of thing ordinarily. But it just seemed kind of strange to me why someone would want to twist what I had to say out of context, apparently on about five or six other posts, too. It sounds like it’s a tepido.org.

I guess homeboy can't make out the fact that two people write this blog; myself (Who has a license to practice illicit medicine from a backstreet Tijuana clinic! Just like the famed Dr. Nick Riveria I myself also went to Hollywood Upstais Medical School and can prescribe anything I want) and the Asian-American terror of Kyushu and fashionista Krampus.

That's aight I guess.

I have great things to say about the Japanese; the beef is with “Japan”: the people in the Japanese government bureaucracy who aren’t held accountable for their various corruptions, incompetence, and lack of foresight.

Sounds just like "There's black people and N******" meme that gets thrown around.

I'm also in the school of thought that the shenanigans of the clowns in the American Federal Government put anything Kasumigaseki does or plans to do to shame.

“Japan” is always looking for people to see things its way, but “Japan” has a hard time being fair itself. As a commenter on Debito said wonderfully a couple of weeks ago, he’s getting tired of the “what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine” attitude of “Japan”.

Commenting at Debito's site is like trying to score some smack on skid row.

Looks like homie has taken off his gloves!

“According to this blogger, the JET Programme should be cut because all of us JET Programme alumni and current participants are all raging sex fiends!” I never said that about the JETters–I can’t believe anyone would have concluded that. I only pointed out about former JET Kevin Ricks, who was reported about in the Washington Post, and said it’s another reason that Japan should review the program. Another reason, meaning there are plenty of other ones as to economics and fairness to other ALTs as to why the JET ought to be looked at.

That’s troubling: someone who blogs as a JET goes to my site and picks out a handful of entries. They entirely misread what’s there. Then make up nonsense and put it in a blog entry–one that fortunately looks like practically no one reads. Really, whoever administers JET should, as it has its share of English mistakes. (For example, “your” for “you’re”: “Talking about being associated with Debito is probably like announcing your [sic] a Klan member at an NAACP meeting in a speech.”)

I confess, I didn't spellcheck my entry since I wrote it at 1 am after knocking back a few brews. But hey, nobody's perfect, and it looks like I caused some serious butthurt.

See? This is today’s JET, a guy who can’t read for comprehension, and frankly who shouldn’t be near a keyboard that is attached to anything sending out text to a general audience–even if it’s his blog partner.

Sorry sweet cheeks, not going to happen.

After all that, I feel just like Andrew W.K. (Who, when my generation reaches 40, 45 years of old will be proudly revered as the voice of generation Y!) at last years Gathering of the Juggalos!

Now I've done it, I've compared the JT crowd to Juggalos. =)

Japantoday Commentators Make Me Sick

2010-08-22T02:54:00.000-07:00

So an Irish participant on the JET Programme met his unfortunate end in a possible hit and run accident while he was drunk and apparently naked:

Irishman Found Dead!

The Japantoday commentators of course have to post their nasty little opinions on how stupid they feel the JET Programme is:

I believe the next user is some sort of 2chan reactionary troll:

I hate to stoop down to their level but if some Japanese exchange student or something goes berserk in my own country, I'll be sure to screaming on the internet to kick out all Japanese, and blame them collectively as a group.

GUESS WHAT GUYS

2010-08-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

WE MAY ALL BE SEXUAL PREDATORS

BETTER CALL TO CATCH A PREDATOR BEFORE WE GO RAPE SOMEONE

According to this blogger, the JET Programme should be cut because all of us JET Programme alumni and current participants are all raging sex fiends!

Why you ask?

It's because one guy was a sick kiddy fiddler who somehow slipped through the cracks (This was before the mandatory background check was instituted) and had a decades long campaign of terror both in Japan and the US.

An Unfortunate JET Story

But apparently he has a an idea for an alternative:

That’s another reason I say Japan should scrap JET in favor of a “Teach for Japan” program.

Ummmm

Wouldn't this achieve one of the stated goals of the JET Programme? Like anything else, wouldn't you get some of the same problems cropping up on JET as you would on this proposed program?

Not only that, but this dude seems to be a huge downer about Japan and the Japanese people, despite being an expat here.

http://hoofin.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/being-fair-to-japan-but-being-fair-to-yourself-as-well/

But the other side of me says it’s not fair to the Japanese people who are stuck in the same bind due to the twisted corruption of the place. And then again, there are fine people at home who are put at a disadvantage because of what they don’t know about what goes on in Japan. There are America’s relations with China, which arguably our current relations with Japan get in the the way of. (After all, we didn’t have the war with China, they did.)

I really don't understand what he means by this: Should the United States reduce our committment and relationship vis-a-vis with Japan in order to curry favor with the despots that are currently occupying Beijing?

I know in the small expat blog world, I am associated with these “work from within” notables like the people in the Foreign Workers’ Caucus and Debito Arudou. But I’m also open to the idea that these folks not only waste their time, they waste other people’s time too. It could be, that Japan committed to them over the years just enough, so that they commit to Japan’s games played against the foreigner population here. No, not sell out, but a different math equation.

Talking about being associated with Debito is probably like announcing your a Klan member at an NAACP meeting in a speech.

I kid, I kid.

There is a real lack on the internet of objective, frankly anti-Japan commentary. Material that says, why are labor and contract issues so difficult? Why is our military made into a bogeyman while the U.S. taxpayers continue to shell out so much in support of it? What exactly is the corporate governance of American multinationals doing business in Tokyo, the Kantou region, and other areas of Japan?

McGruff the Crime Dog here did some sleuthing on his blog and is trying to prove IBM cheated on their corporate taxes. Why he doesn't go to the IRS is beyond me. Oh wait, he might claim they might be in bed with the Republican-Glenn Beck-Sarah Palin-Coropate America-Interac conspiracy that is secretly preventing the success of Obama's political agenda. The other entries aren't much better folks. =(

I'm sure Krampus would agree with me on this one- The nasty faded jeans and white running shoes in the banner are ugly and I hope those aren't of the author himself.

Orientalism and Italo/Euro Disco, or The White Man In Asia

2010-08-13T21:14:00.001-07:00

Jessica - "Chinese Magic"

Aneka - "Japanese Boy"

Peter Randell - "Lost in Tokyo"

Murray Head - "One Night in Bangkok"

Fuck your life. Leave it behind and head to the exotic Orient, where neon lights and golden opportunities await your every need with a ninety degree bow and petite feet. The sprawling Asian megalopolis is "Blade Runner" gone utopic, so unexplored and so utterly foreign that it will eat you alive and you will never be the same. Enjoy complete and absolute anonymity in the Far East; fall in love with a beautiful creature that you can bring home later; even the strongest and mightiest of men fall prey to the wicked and unexpected charms hidden in dark alleyways, go-go bars and tea salons.

As much as we like to pretend we are creatures of enlightenment because we read Edward Said in Asian Studies 101, I think we as Westerners in Asia all carry a little bit of this Orientalist fantasy with us when we hop on that long flight. Asia is still uncharted territory as far as young Western interests are concerned - how many people do you know that can name more than five cities in China? As far as North Americans are concerned, many more opt to head to Western Europe or the tropical islands to the south for leisure travel. Those who make the trek over to Asia often (sometimes un)consciously carry little beacons of pride with them on their travels, peering down their noses at those pawns who think Paris is a big culture shock jump because the French speak French. Yeah brah, Europe is cool and all, but Asia is for the adventurous.

2010-08-09T17:48:00.001-07:00

So on the urging from my friend (who does the awesome Top 5 podcast), I've decided to purchase the Billowykimono domain name.

For 10 Dollars a year, why not?

Colonel Dracula Joins the Navy

2010-08-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

Looks the "revolutionary left" in America doesn't like the manga that the US military is distributing in Japan:

http://www.revleft.com/vb/us-army-manga-t139618/index.html?s=e3ff90cfd4afce1fc6c8c1e2e4bba184&t=139618

I for one will wait for the day when Maoistkid leaves his Mom's basement and takes his Maoist revolution to the streets.

Social Retards

2010-07-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

Who in the hell would act like a smartass to their case officer at la migra?

I know I wouldn't, but apparently this cracker thought it would be a good idea!

http://www.turning-japanese.info/2010/07/misinformation-justlandedru-japanese.html

I'm from the US originally, which is why I'm still surprised why I was inspected more than other applicants and why my application took so long, seeing they originally said my application should take 6 months to process as my case was fairly simple.
I don't know that the problem was, but I think that for many of the Osaka MOJ workers, handling an American was the first time for them(nobody seemed to know what papers I would need from America even though I had studied Debito's website before going for my first visit and prepared thoroughly) so they wanted to check me out and see what I was all about. I spoke to many people during the process, and some of the workers seemed puzzled why I was trying to become a citizen, and one incredulously asked me, "You're American? Why do you want to become a Japanese citizen? What's so good about Japan?" ...on the other hand maybe it was my reason for naturalizing（動機書）that did me in. I wrote it in classical Japanese/kundoku since I studied kambun in school...it didn't go over so well when I went in for my interview..."Why did you write like this? Everyone else writes normally in modern Japanese!"

Nobody likes a know-it-all showoff.

Well there were no rules printed on the 帰化の動機書 form how to write it, so I actually did consider writing it all in Osakaben since I speak it better than Hyoujungo, but I didn't want them to think I was messing around. Since Kambun was my specialty, I thought it would be the best way to express my true feelings and show them how troublesome and humiliating I found the whole naturalization process to be. But I did write it out with the proper Japanese okurigana so everyone could read it easily. I'll spare the details, but if you want to know what it was like, it started with 余が日本國に歸化せんと欲する所以は...and ended with ...上記の理由を以て謹んで願はくは法務大臣之を許さんことを。
In any case, I did finally get my revenge on them...sort of...although the stunt I pulled at the naturalization "ceremony" (where we were congratulated and given our 帰化者の身分証明書) probably made me famous at the Osaka MOJ and my local shiyakusho. It basically involved me wearing a Michael Jackson wig/hat with big coke-bottle glasses and a North Korean t-shirt covered in Hangul and speaking in a mix of Korean/Yakuza Japanese to the all of the workers...except for one shiyakusho oyaji who said, "Wow! You look like Michael Jackson!" no one said anything to me, but the look on all their faces was priceless.

Wow, just wow...

If I was his case officer and he told me that in the interview I'd reject his application for being a socially retarded ass. You don't treat government officials like that, especially if they have the power to accept or deny your citizenship application.

Oh Japan, I love you but you sure do attract the socially challenged.

2010-07-09T05:15:00.001-07:00

I think this honky is angry that he missed the sweet deal that is JET =)

1. Facebook and Twitter are blocked at all of my schools
2. I teach on average 15-16 classes a week, so obviously my board of education is getting their money out of me.
3.I had a elementary school 5th grader tell me he wants to go to America. This really touched my heart, and made me feel good about my job. Something like that wouldn't happen with an Eikaiwa drone or some dispatch company monkey.
4. I really doubt my friends on the program and I are making more than our Japanese coworkers, especially when their bonuses are taken into consideration. I wouldn't be surprised if my principal is clearing 100k USD a year!

I love it all the hate on JET's, but then again I'm a handsome, young strapping 25 year old and not some 40 year Eikaiwa loser who's going bald and has a paunch.

The pawnee want their land back...

2010-07-08T00:07:00.000-07:00

LOOK OUT JET'S, WE HAVE A REAL TEACHER WHO THINKS WE'RE USELESS

HOT STUFF COMING THROUGH

2010-06-23T00:13:00.000-07:00

Leena: a Chinese Girl Who Became a Model in Japan

James, the webmaster of the perennially great news site Japanprobe was kind enough to post a story yesterday about a beautiful Chinese girl who immigrated to Japan with her family as a young girl and for all intents and purposes was able to assimilate into Japanese society. The icing on the cake is that she's become a model and can be seen in Japanese commercials and modeling clothes.

Some commentors were saying it's sad that she gave up a future career in engineering to embark upon her new career, but I don't see anything wrong in that. For a girl as beautiful as her I'm sure she would be the butt of every joke and the envy of every manchild she'd ever encounter in that field. I should know, two of my very best American friends in Japan are engineers by training and what they've said about their coworkers and lab-mates is astounding.

It would be great if Debito would report on a success story like this but that will happen on the day that Satan is seen ice skating to work! Considering that the average male foreigner from a developed country in Japan is some balding loser with a pallid complexion bedecked in cheap khaki chinos, a ratty old polo shirt that was purchased when Clinton was president, and worst of all white tennis shoes (Tres chic!), I doubt they would care. Another interesting aspect of the WE HATE JAPAN crowd is how they invariably dismiss the achievements of Chinese immigrants who are able to fit into Japanese society. A quick look on Debito.org will bring up stories of disgruntled honkies going on and on about how their universities favor students from developing countries, mostly with China in mind without any regards for themselves.

As someone who has had to take the initiative in university to get things done (It's the only way to get out of the University of California system with your insanity intact!), why not just get involved with the events and organizations that target them? Sure, you may have came to Japan just to make friends with the Japanese (Which is shortsighted) but swallow your pride and you may as well meet some really great people.

Instead of being positive and trying to do something positive it is much easier for angry foreigners to stay in their run down 1DK apartment and whine on the internet why Japanese people are the biggest racists in the world whilst drinking copious amounts of Nikka Black and Kirin Strong Seven as that will cause the pain that they suffer from to completely dissipate from their sordid and meaningless lives.

Pretty sad, isn't it?

Haiku Contest

2010-06-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

I googled "ugly gaijin" in a wild goose chase for pictures of myself and found this gem.

Write a haiku/series of haikus about the photo you see. I will begin:

Pale pink man baby
Down Syndrome and a bowl cut
He's not potty trained

38 A breasts
Supple, drooping pink nipples
Coke bottle glasses

Oh, his many chins
I could lose myself in your
fat rolls, forever

AW GRAVY

2010-06-21T06:36:00.000-07:00

Andrew W.K. makes some awesome music back in the land of the Great Satan, so of course he has to touch the magic that is Gundam and make it more awesome!

The songs of the original Mobile Suit Gundam when translated into English have the most cornball lyrics, but I'm not complaining. What do you expect from a cheap animated show from 1979? To me, what makes the Universal Century (The main universe of the Gundam mythos) great is how ridiculously over the top and melodramatic it is.

HARDEN THE F UP

2010-06-18T00:04:00.001-07:00

Whilst perusing my favorite JET Programme message board I came across a post by a fellow user who got told that they had to eat “Every grain of rice” with their school lunch, and “that foreigners can't use chopsticks very well”. Oddly enough, this ALT just took it without saying a word; sheepishly following the directives of their Japanese coworker.

Unfortunately, this isn't too uncommon in the ALT world. I hate to say it, but the public education sphere of Japanese society attracts some very petty and manipulative people based on the experiences of my friends and I.

Just because we're in Japan doesn't make anything different, especially when it comes to your own self-respect and dignity. I'm all for trying to fit into Japanese society but there are certain lines that should never be crossed and this is one of them. Learning Japanese to communicate and fit into society? That's awesome, go hog wild! Being aware of other people on the train and refraining from being too loud or talking on your friend? You're a Saint, too bad we can't all be like that back home! Giving in over something so trivial and pointless as eating every grain of rice? You need to grow a spine. If you're not going to stand up for yourself in a situation where they can be no negative repercussions (Oh heavens no, they won't let me eat with the kids now!) what are you going to do in a much worse and more serious situation later in your life?

It's ironic that we in the west look down and ridicule the Japanese for giving into conformity and the greater good of the group, yet with the way things are going in western society (And none of this is positive) people seem more and more willing to conform and give into the orders of their superiors more than ever. With the way people are today I doubt something so momentous as the American and French Revolutions could ever occur. Nobody in the west is willing to question anything, over the fears of rocking the boat. Funny how we said the things about Japanese back during the 1980's.

Part of our job is to internationalize, and by bowing down to something this minor defeats this. You have to stand your ground and not let yourself be a door mat for others. But I guess some people never learn and are content with being pushed around and walked over.

NOTE: I have heard from some of my friends that being told to eat every grain of rice is a remnant of worse times in the past, especially the immediate post war era where one couldn't even guarantee when their next meal would be. Could some of you, dear readers corroborate on this?

Lets Have Fun at the Expense of Japantoday Posters!

2010-06-14T05:23:00.000-07:00

Japan urged to keep program to invite foreign language instructors

So it looks like the vast majority of the lovely crowd that populate Japan Today have a BIG problem with the JET programme. Lets look and make fun of some of those comments!

Ah yes, the good old LETS SEND JAPANESE TEACHERS ABROAD TO HAVE THEM LEARN ENGLISH. Here's a few of the problems with this approach that nobody ever seems to understand:
-Older teachers are unfortunately going to be set in their ways
-It's going to be hard for a teacher to supposedly gain fluency in English in a years time
-The logistics and red tape due to this approach is frankly, impossible. How would you get 45 year old Taro Yamada-Sensei to uproot from his work and family to go live abroad for a year?
-You wouldn't see results for a long time

To paraphrase the comedic classic Step Brothers, why have the old bull when you can have the young calf? I know I'd rather learn English from the cool 25 year old than the washed up, 50 year old Japan hand who hates his life here.

That's rich; I live in the inaka and at my elementary schools the teachers stress to their students how their kids are increasingly going to have to use English in their future!

I'd like to thank you WMD for your taxes going to pay for my sweet Canon Kiss X3 I bought last summer and my trip to Taiwan last March!

2010-06-14T01:39:00.001-07:00

Senor Science here!

I'm going to comment on my favorite entry for 1000 Things About Japan

I SPIT HOT FIRE

I have never seen anyone spit in public here.

1000 Things About Japan

2010-06-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

1000 Things About Japan

Here is one of many Japan blogs in which the author appears a bit of a know-it-all. While a clever idea, the highly personalized observations of the author lead to a division of readers, and make it awfully easy to assume mean things about her. I will leave it at this:

Some foreigners complain or are surprised that other foreigners don't care about how they look or walk around dressed like bums when they live in Japan. The thing about living for a long time in a culture where you are objectified is that you stop caring about what strangersthink of you. If you're going to be stared at and treated like some sort of animal that has escaped from the zoo anyway, why trouble yourself to dress up when you go out in public? What is more, people validate the notion that you're undesirable in both subtle and gross ways on a regular basis by not sitting next to you on the train, inching away from you when they notice they're standing in the shop near a foreigner, or scuttling away in any number of situations.* Years (or in my case, decades) of this is bound to have an impact on your concern for how others view you based on how your dress.

Since you're likely to be randomly treated like some sort of smelly animal regardless of how you dress or act, there's really not much point in putting on the top hat and tails every time you go out, and I'll miss the time (and money) I save because I don't worry as much about how I look on a casual basis.

2010-06-11T00:54:00.000-07:00

How funny! Common sense on the internet dictates that Japan would be doing something like this...

English rules tightened for immigrant partners

9/11 NEVAR 4GET

2010-06-07T06:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sure the same day that Japan experiences a terrorist attack caused by foreigners (And lets hope this never has to happen) this fine fellow will be whining that JAPAN JUST DIDN'T DO ENOUGH.

What The Christ 2: WTC HARDER

2010-06-07T00:12:00.001-07:00

As a follow up to my previous entry about the radical Gaijin fringe wanting to see Okinawa break away, I found this story to be just as interesting and ludicrous. It's a bit of an oldie but in my opinion is just plain fantasy from the lunatic fringe and is likely never to happen, just as Okinawa will probably never secede from Japan.

Russian Author Wants America Split Up